Winds of Change
by VikingShadow
Summary: Sequel to 'Collide'. Leo and Rebecca are finding that their relationship is anything but easy. Even though they are "soul mates", time and life experiences have changed them.
1. Reckless

A/N: Well, here it is. The beginning anyway. Thanks to everyone who enjoyed 'Collide'. I hope that this piece will be worth your patient waiting. Onward.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Star Trek....well except for the communicators that came out of the breakfast cereal box!! Reb is my alter ego.  
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Reckless

Ensign Rebecca Anders threw her pillow at the annoying chrono alarm blaring beside her bed. She did NOT want to wake up! Groaning loudly she sat up at the edge of the bed in her cramped quarters. She had hardly gotten any sleep - too many thoughts and decisions had kept her mind occupied during the night. Grabbing a fresh uniform from the closet she practically stomped her way to the shower.

The warm shower only slightly improved her demeanor. If she wasn't expected to provide security for the away team today, she would have reported to medical bay to get out of work. Scratch that. An encounter with Leonard McCoy was something else she didn't want right now.

Realizing she had another 20 minutes to report to the transporter room, Rebecca took the time to reread the message she had received via computer from Captain Kirk:

"Ensign Anders.  
As promised, I am willing to review your previous request for a transfer off of the Enterprise. If this is something that you still wish to consider, please respond within 48 hours.  
Thank you."

"Well, crap!" she thought. "Has it really been six months?"

Six months ago she had requested a transfer off of the Enterprise to get away from one Doctor Leonard McCoy. It was a decision that Rebecca had made in an attempt to avoid dealing with the past that the two of them had shared and the future that Leo had wanted for the two of them. It was quite the emotional battleground between them for awhile. Until Captain Kirk got involved and locked them up together for a night, forcing them to work things out.

Since that time, the relationship between her and Leo had been anything but smooth sailing. She loved him, and she had no doubt that he loved her just as much. They had both made the assumption things would fall easily into place. They had been the closest of friends as teenagers and young adults. "Soul mates", as Leo said. Shouldn't rebuilding their relationship be easy?

The first weeks of their rekindled friendship had been beautiful. Leo had been patient with her reluctance to trust him. She had been in a turbulent, abusive relationship that left her emotionally scarred. Even so, the transition from friends to lovers was fast. Given their earlier history it was inevitable and welcomed.

The things that they had both forgiven in the other at first soon became items of contention between them. They had both grown and matured in the years that were spent apart. Both had experienced heartache and loss. Both had developed a mistrust of intimacy with others. Both had coping mechanisms that bothered the hell out of the other.

For him, it was Rebecca's overly developed self-reliance and 'work-aholic' attitude. He complained that she spent too much of her off-duty time working on combat skills and battle scenarios. He also worried that she volunteered too much for the more dangerous missions. He called her 'reckless'. She tried to explain to him that she needed the physical challenges to stay sharp and also to achieve her goals of promotion.

As ensign she was a junior grade officer. Even so, Star Fleet frowned upon relationship between personnel separated by too many degrees of rank. Rebecca was trying to gain enough merit to be considered for the next round of promotions, thereby attaining the rank of Lieutenant Junior Grade. They were both tired of sneaking around and hiding their relationship from others aboard the Enterprise. It was a source of strain for them.

For her, it was Leo's drinking. The abusive marriage she had survived was to a horrible alcoholic/addict. She cringed at the smell of alcohol on Leo's breath. Again and again she had tried to reason with herself that it was unfair, and unwarranted, to compare Leo to her ex. But still, the odor rekindled the terror in the depths of her psyche.

Many arguments had occurred between them of late, centering on these issues, and other, less annoying problems. As of this moment, they weren't on good speaking terms due to the latest round from yesterday morning. Maybe a transfer was in order?

This was the thought that was going through her mind as she entered the transporter room. Already present were the three other members of the security detail. They were waiting for Captain Kirk, First Officer Spock and a political attaché direct from Star Fleet Command. Security was of an essence for this mission due to the importance of the assignment of the attaché.

Rebecca did not know the particulars of his directive, but knew that there were a lot of tensions involved. Currently there was an uneasy 'cease-fire' between the warring factions of the planet Multare II. A small group of rebels had declared to interfere with any negotiations mediated by the Federation. The leaders of Multare II did not feel that these rebels were capable of doing any damage, they were too disorganized to pose a serious threat. Still, Captain Kirk wanted to be safe, so he doubled the usual security for the attaché.

The others arrived in the transporter room, accompanied by Doctor McCoy and Chief Engineer Scott. Leo stopped short when he noticed that Rebecca was waiting to be transported to the surface of Multare II. She shot him an angry glare and curtly shook her head when it was apparent that he was going to voice a protest that she was on the team.

At Captain Kirk's command, Engineer Scott initiated the transport. The last thing that Rebecca saw was Leo throwing his hands in the air in apparent exasperation as he left the room.

The away team materialized in an open park in the center a modern city. Their destination, the consulate building , was a short walk away. Rebecca noted uniformed militia on the rooftop and on other nearby buildings.

"Good thing they are on our side", her partner, Ensign Max Marshall, stated. Rebecca nodded in agreement.

"Everybody stay alert." Directed the captain. "We've received several threats against our mission here."

The small group walked toward the consulate building. The four red-shirted security members, Rebecca included, formed a small perimeter around the Federation attaché, who was flanked closely by Captain Kirk and Spock. Rebecca was to the right rear of the small group. She turned frequently to observe for any movement behind them, keeping her right hand at rest on her holstered phaser. She also glanced frequently to the militia on the rooftops, looking for any signs of warning.

They climbed the wide stairway and entered into the consulate. Their arrival was noted by several armed guards, both outside and inside the massive entryway of the mammoth stone building. A wide, short hallway led to the main gathering area of the consulate. Rebecca was amazed at the sheer size of the interior chamber.

The meeting room was an open and airy two stories high. Light entered the room through hundreds of multicolored windows surrounding the entire area. There was also a second floor gallery for observers that surrounded the meeting chamber along the outside walls on three sides. Armed guards were stationed at close intervals on both floors of the consulate.

"Good to see they take their security seriously." Rebecca muttered under her breath.

Seated at the far end of the meeting room, on a raised dais, were half a dozen representatives of the warring parties involved. They sat on opposite sides of the stage. Several of the armed guards keeping watch between them shot worried glances between the two parties. The tension in the room was palpable.

The Federation attaché climbed the few steps to the top of the platform and took her place in a chair in the middle of the area. Captain Kirk and Spock followed her up the steps, both choosing to stand behind her to either side of her seat. The four Enterprise security personnel spread out - two up on the dais, standing behind and facing away from, Kirk and Spock. The other two, one of which was Rebecca, took stations on the lower step, facing towards the entryway of the consulate.

Rebecca constantly scanned the crowded gallery for any unusual movement. She also continued to watch the consulate security guards for any signs of concern. Thus far, everything was quiet and controlled around them. There were no indications of trouble.

The loud explosion and subsequent blast sent Rebecca hurtling through the air, away from the raised dais where negotiations were just beginning.

Yells screams and dust permeated the air when Rebecca regained enough of her hearing and bearings. The blast had thrown her about 20 feet from where she had been standing. The wind had been knocked out of her when she had hit a large statue. Her ears were ringing from the concussion of the explosion. A quick inventory of herself told her that, other than a couple of seriously bruised ribs, she had no other injuries.

Rebecca could make out the voice of Captain Kirk amid all of the noise and confusion. He was ordering Scotty to lock on and beam them back to the Enterprise. She pulled out her phaser, pushed herself up and hurried toward his voice in a crouched position.

Kirk and Spock were both kneeling next to the attaché, who was awake but looked very bewildered and was babbling incoherently. Rebecca noticed the body of her partner, lying at an odd angle, several feet away. Captain Kirk noticed the direction of her gaze and slowly shook his head, a grim look on his face.

"Scotty! Get us out of here! Now!" Kirk demanded into his communicator.

"I'm doing the best I can Captain! There is some sort of interference that I can't figure out!" Desperation was evident in the engineers voice.

"Get it figured out quick. We have injured here."

Rebecca glanced up to the top of the platform. The other two security personnel were slowly crawling toward them. Both were obviously injured. She cautiously started up the stairs to help them rejoin the rest of them at the base of the steps. She was within reach of them both when the second blast erupted.

Rebecca's world went silent and black.  
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Stay tuned.


	2. Come Undone

_A/N: Chapter 2 up already. It might be a couple days.....I will be at a week long seminar half way across the state and in a motel every night. I will try to get something out in that time. In the meantime.....enjoy the new drama...... Thanks for the added alerts and the reviews, all are much appreciated!_  
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Come Undone

Medical bay was in chaos. Or at least it would appear to the casual observer. In all actuality what was happening in medical bay was a well orchestrated and controlled pandemonium. To Leonard McCoy it was proof that his staff were a well oiled machine. He was proud of them. They were performing beautifully.

At the moment, he didn't have time to sort out the chain of events that brought about the number of casualties they were treating. He had been on the bridge monitoring the frequencies of the members of the away team. He knew that Jim had been concerned about this away mission, and he, Leo, was worried about Rebecca.. Her damn stubbornness and recklessness was giving him gray hairs.

Jims' less than calm voice was his first clue that something was wrong. There was urgency in his request to be beamed back to the Enterprise. Scotty had just explained that there was a problem when the first hit rocked the Enterprise. They were receiving fire from the planet below. McCoy was already headed for Medical Bay when the 'Red Alert' alarms started. He knew there would be casualties.

McCoy was both cursing the injured crew members that were steadily arriving in Medical Bay and relishing the challenge that each of them brought. Triage was running smoothly and efficiently, with only the most critically injured being directed to him for care. The lesser, more minor injuries were being addressed by others.

When the call came to have medical personnel present in the transporter room for the return of the away team, he was elbow deep in a 'sucking chest wound' in a crewman from engineering. It was not something he could walk away from. He threw a dark look at Dr. Lance. "Grab some help and get your ass down there!" he barked. He was hoping and praying that Rebecca was alright.

The medical bay doors opened a short while later. McCoy caught a glimpse of a grim faced Jim Kirk walking through the door. He was accompanied by Dr. Lance and two other attendants. They had three gurneys in tow. Leo's breath caught as he recognized Rebecca as one of the injured. At the moment, his hands were stilled tied. He couldn't go to her. Jim cast a worried glance his way, which did not help matters any.

"Get those people onto bio-beds and get them scanned!" He realized his voice was more harsh than necessary. "I want to know what each of their injuries are." He said with less force.

While Dr. Lance turned his attention to the political attaché, the triage nurse started assessing Rebecca. Starting the head to toe scan, it was apparent that the security officer had a severe concussion. That would easily explain the fact that she was unconscious. The nurse continued to methodically examine the patient in front of her. There were numerous injuries, all consistent with blunt force trauma.

She stopped suddenly. A frown of dark concern crossed her face. The readings on the tricorder were a surprise. She glanced from the information to the patient, back to the information, and finally over at the CMO. He was not going to like this. Not one bit.

The nurse suspected, as did most of the other staff, that there was something going on between their boss and this particular ensign. No one had proof, but the suspicions were there. So, seeing the test results on her tricorder, and knowing that she was going to have to report the findings to Dr. McCoy unnerved her. She did NOT want to tell him about her patient.

The nurse waited until Dr. Lance had finished giving his report to Dr. McCoy. She then, as quietly as possible, gave a quick and to the point report on her patient. She watched helplessly as McCoy's eyes grew wide in surprise, as he clumsily staggered into the instrument tray beside him, sending it crashing loudly to the floor.

"What?!?!" was all he said. Ignoring all of the curious stares turned his way. "I'll get there as soon as I can".

The crush of patients had ended. The large number of medical bay beds that still contained the injured was the only evidence of the chaotic day that had occurred. Most all were sleeping and the area was peaceful. Monitors hummed or beeped quietly and the on-duty medical personnel made their rounds and attended to their duties with minimal disruption and noise.

After a day of pumping adrenaline and bone-chilling worry, Leo was still in medical bay. Although he was exhausted he could not leave Rebecca. He had taken up vigil at her bedside, watching monitors, making small adjustments and just holding her hand. When he had received the preliminary assessment from the triage nurse it had shaken him to the core. But at the time there was nothing he could do. He only hoped that he and Rebecca could make amends and build a solid relationship before it was too late.

Leo must have fallen asleep at some point during his watch. He awoke to find a blanket draped over him and a pillow tucked under his head. A quick glance toward Rebecca and the monitors showed that nothing had changed in her condition. He stood and stretched, trying to work out the kinks that come with sleeping in a chair. Reaching over, her lightly brushed her hair with his fingers. "Time to wake up, darlin'" he whispered. There was no response or change from his request. He decided to stretch his legs a bit and take the opportunity to make rounds on the other patients.

Rebecca woke up with a start. She struggled to sit up, the pain in her ribs causing her to wince. Medical bay was darkened and quiet. She observed Leo across the room next to a patients bed talking with one of the night staff. He caught her watching him and nodded at her. A short while later he entered her cubicle. He engaged the privacy screen before turning to her.

"You look like hell, Leo". Rebecca noted. His hair was ruffled, there were dark circles under his eyes and his uniform was wrinkled. "Bad day at the office?" She gave him a weak grin.

He graced her with one of his famous scowls. "I imagine I don't look any worse than you do right now."

"Things looked pretty quiet out there" she said, indicating the medical bay. "Why don't you go get some sleep?"

"I was staying because of you."

Rebecca now noticed the chair pulled up next to her bed. There was a blanket and pillow wadded up on it. It did indeed look like he had been camping out. It wasn't the first time.

"Rebecca, you could have been killed down there!" He said this quietly, but with force.

"It's my job, Leo. Let's not start this again."

"Yeah, but you don't have to go on every mission! You've done more than your share." Worry and frustration punctuated his words.

"I like what I do! I get off on the risk, the rush of it."

"Damn it, Reb. You have got to stop being so reckless. Especially now!"

"If all you are going to do is stand there and start this argument again, you need to leave." Rebecca shot back.

Leo sat down heavily in the chair next to her. He dropped his head and ran his fingers through his hair. A sigh born of frustration and exhaustion escaped his lips. "You're right. This isn't the place."

He raised his head and studied her closely, not saying anything. Rebecca could see concern and questioning in his eyes. She finally couldn't stand it anymore. "What?!?"

It was several moments before he asked. "When were you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" She looked at him quizzically.

"About the baby." He stated softly.

Rebecca gave him a confused look. "The baby? Leo, you know about that. It's it my medical chart." She had suffered a traumatic miscarriage during her marriage. She was baffled as to why this had anything to do with their conversation now.

Leo could tell that she truly was confused by his question. This concerned him. "Rebecca…….you're pregnant."

The look of shock on Rebecca's face surprised him. "No……no I'm not. Don't be ridiculous." She laughed.

"Sweetheart, yes….you are." He stood and reached over her head to turn one of the monitors so that she could see the screen. He flipped through a couple of screens and stopped at the one that showed Rebecca's abdomen. There, low in her pelvis, it was obvious that she was indeed pregnant. The baby's heart beat could clearly be seen.

"Oh……" Her eyes wide with surprise.

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_Well? How was that for drama! :~)_


	3. Drowning

_A/N: A week away from home at a conference is too long! I tried to get something posted while in the hotel.......just wasn't working for me. Anyway. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Our favorite Doctor has to do some soul searching. The title comes from the song by Saving Abel. I thought it was appropriate for the mood._

_Thanks for the continued interest and alerts. They make my day! Truly. Enjoy.  
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Drowning

Rebecca reached up and lightly touched the monitor screen that showed the image of the unborn child in her womb. She could only stare in amazement and disbelief. "This isn't possible" she whispered.

"Why do you say that?" Leo asked quietly. A worried frown starting to form.

"Leo………I want to be alone for awhile" Rebecca stammered.

Rebecca watched as Leo's eyes visibly darkened. Confusion and hurt clearly evident. "Please?" she begged. "I need some time to think."

Leo did not trust his own voice. He nodded mutely, turned and quickly left the cubicle. Anger was starting to cloud his mind by the time he reached his own quarters. Rebecca had not reacted the way that he thought she would, or rather hoped she would.

Grabbing a bottle of bourbon, he sat down heavily in his recliner. He was halfway through his second glass when the door chime sounded. Glancing at the chrono on his desk, he was surprised to see that it was 0830. Jim Kirk entered his quarters once the door slid open.

"I figured you'd still be in Medical Bay. They told me you left about an hour ago." Jim paused when he noticed that Bones was drinking.

The hesitation was not missed by Leo. "Want some?" He asked, motioning to the bottle on the table beside him.

"No…..It's a little early in the day. What's going on Bones?"

"Rebecca kicked me out of her cubicle." Leo stated glumly.

"How is she, anyway? The nurse told me her injuries weren't too serious."

"She's fine……………no, she's………..pregnant…"

Jim's mouth dropped open. He closed it quickly when he saw the dark expression on his friend's face. "Is it……yours?"

"Yes it's mine!!"

Jim was confused. Weren't people supposed to be happy when they announced something like this? Bones looked angry as hell and he was drinking really early in the day - even for him. And Rebecca had kicked him out of her cubicle.

"Congratulations?" He ventured cautiously with a hesitant grin. It was truly more of a question than a statement.

"I don't know, Jim!" Leo sighed in exasperation. "Rebecca told me she needed some time alone."

"Maybe she's in shock?" Jim offered. "Maybe you should go check on her."

Leo stared at the glass in his hand for a long hard minute. "No, that wouldn't be a good idea right now." He lifted the glass to his lips and drained it.

"Why not? You need to talk to each other about it."

"I have a feeling it's not going to be that easy, Jim. We haven't been getting along the greatest." He refilled his glass with bourbon as he explained.

"What do you mean?" Jim had not noticed anything amiss, but then Bone and Rebecca were very private about their relationship. He was the only person ,that he was aware of, that had ever spent any time with the two of them together.

"We've been …….having issues." Leo mumbled, staring into the now half empty glass he was holding.

"Like what? It can't be anything so bad that having a baby would be a bad thing." Jim watched for any sign of affirmation to his comment. When none came he asked. "Could it?"

"Aw, hell! I don't know." Leo growled.

"What kind of issues?" Jim prodded his friend.

Leo contemplated this question for several minutes, mulling over a number of 'issues' that had been causing disagreements for the past few weeks. True, most were insignificant and were minor irritations between him and Rebecca. Other things were more stressful.

Rebecca had been in a horribly abusive marriage prior to joining Starfleet. Her body still bore the ugly scars of the torture she had endured. She had built up some very strong emotional defenses to protect herself and he was having a hell of a time trying to take them down. And now she was pregnant?!? He was frightened, truly scared, that this would be too much for her to handle, especially when things were so unsure between them.

"Bones….." The sound of his name brought Leo out of his thoughts. "What kind of issues?" Jim repeated.

"She's been through a hell of a lot, Jim. She's very……….fragile. Emotionally."

"I bet she's a lot stronger than you give her credit for." Jim tried to reassure him.

"I hope you're right." Although he doubted Jim's statement.

"Well, maybe you could start by going and seeing her? You can't start fixing things while you are sitting here." Jim prodded.

"Yeah, well……..maybe in a little bit. I need some time to think, too." Leo reached over and placed the top back on the bourbon bottle. "I can't believe I'm taking relationship advice from you!" He shook his head, half in disbelief and half in resignation.

"Stranger things have happened." Jim pointed out with a grin. His look sobered. "Really, Bones. Running away from things and trying to drown yourself in a bottle is not going to make things better."

Jim expected an angry retort for that last remark. Instead, it was met with silence. He clapped a hand down on Leo's shoulder as he stood to leave. "Tell her how much you love her. And then go from there." He turned to look at Bones before stepping into the corridor. "I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks……." Leo's voice trailed off as the door slid closed.

Leo stood, grabbing the bourbon bottle, and returned it to the cabinet. He walked over and sat down on his bed. He hadn't been in it for over 24 hours. He proceeded to undress in an almost automatic fashion. His thoughts somewhere else completely.

A baby. He was going to be a father. Again.

It took every ounce of will not to walk over and pull the bottle out of the cabinet again. Jim was right. The bottle wasn't going to help and it definitely would not make things easier with Rebecca. It was very easy to sense the change in her demeanor and the look of mistrust that came across her face whenever he had a drink of alcohol in her presence. It was a habit that he was trying to change, for her. And for himself, too. He had been using it as a crutch for a very long time.

Leo lay back on the bed. "A baby…" He whispered. Thoughts of past defeats and losses, mingled with the fear of the possibility of ones in the future, kept him awake for quite some time. A failed marriage, a non-existent relationship with his daughter, the total catastrophic screw-up with Rebecca when they were younger, were just a few of the things ricocheting around his brain.

Sleep eventually won out over the turmoil.


	4. Landslide

_A/N: Whew! Another crazy week at work over! I sincerely apologize for the very slow updates. I hope the content is worth the wait. _

_**Usual disclaimers apply.  
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Landslide

Rebecca knew by the look in Leo's eyes that she had hurt him deeply when she had asked him to leave. But right now, the last thing she wanted was to talk to him. The image that he pointed out to her on the screen both shocked and terrified her. She needed some time to think and to get a perspective on what was happening.

There had been no indications to her that she was pregnant. Especially since the miscarriage she had experienced a few years before had been very traumatic. The doctor at that time had been skeptical that she would ever have children because of the internal damage she had sustained. She did not consider the possibility of becoming pregnant.

Watching the image on the screen, Rebecca could only stare in disbelief. The baby that she carried was so tiny, no more than the size of her thumb. At this point, he or she was hardly recognizable as human. She was obviously only weeks pregnant. But a heartbeat could clearly be seen.

Rebecca brushed her fingertips lightly over the screen, trying to make it more real. A cold chill traveled down her back. She was beginning to re-live a nightmare.

Six years earlier she had found out she was pregnant. At the time she was dating a former high school classmate. Mainly because of the broken heart that Leo had left in his wake. She was three months into the pregnancy when they were married. Four months later began the abuse and torture that was nearly a daily occurrence thereafter.

Now, history seemed to be repeating itself. Only this time, she wasn't the same person. Not the one that had felt helpless and the need to be taken care of by someone else. She had become fiercely independent and was beginning a promising career in Starfleet. She could take care of herself and had intended to continue doing just that.

What Rebecca hadn't planned on was becoming involved with Leo again. He was the last person in the galaxy that she wanted to see again. Had she known that he was also in Starfleet, she would have done a little research before taking an assignment on the Enterprise. She had held on to the hurt and anger that he had caused for a very long time. The strain that put on their current relationship was evident in the frequent quarrels they were having.

Now she was pregnant? It was the last thing that she would have considered. It was the last thing she wanted. What she wanted was to never be dependent on anyone and to always be in control. And yet, looking now at the tiny little life growing in her body, she was feeling helpless, afraid and vulnerable.

The sound of someone clearing their throat caught her attention. Captain Kirk was standing in the entryway of her cubicle. Rebecca quickly pushed the monitor screen away, hoping he wouldn't be curious enough to try and look at it. She quickly wiped away the tears that she just now realized were wetting her cheeks.

"Hello, Captain."

"Good morning, Rebecca." He gave her one of his award winning smiles. "How are you feeling?" He asked as he moved closer to her bedside.

"Very well, thank you, Sir." Rebecca gave a small smile back, pushing herself up into a sitting position. "I hope they let me out of here later today."

"I spoke with Doctor An'Le. She believes it is a possibility."

"Sir….." Rebecca bit her lip with uncertainty.

Jim waited for her to continue. "Yes?"

Rebecca took a deep breath. She hadn't had time to think things through, but right now a possibility was presenting itself. "Sir, I'd like to resubmit my request for transfer." She hoped that her uncertainty wasn't evident.

"What?!?" The captain looked at her incredulously. "I sent that to you kinda as a joke. I didn't think you would still be considering it! Especially now with a b………." His voice trailed off as he watched her facial features darken with anger. He realized, too late, that he shouldn't let on that he knew she was pregnant.

"He told you!" Rebecca could not believe it. She felt betrayed. "I can't believe he told you."

"Rebecca, he told me as his friend." Jim tried to reassure her. He sat down next to her on the bed. "He is very concerned about you right now."

"I can't believe he told you." She repeated in a quiet whisper.

"Don't be mad at him. He is so worried about you. He wants to be here, but he left because you asked him to."

Rebecca was silent.

"Why won't you talk to him?" Jim questioned. "Bones is really hurt that you are pushing him away right now."

Rebecca looked up into the captains eyes. "I can't go through this again."

"Rebecca, Bones loves you." He reached over to hold her hands in his. "I know that you went through hell before you joined Starfleet. I don't know all the details, but I know enough to understand why you are scared."

Rebecca hung her head, not wanting to continue eye contact. "Is there anything he doesn't tell you?"

Jim heard resignation in her voice. "I'm sure there is quite a bit."

The silence hung between them for several long moments. Jim reached up and gently lifted her chin. "You are too strong of a person to try to run away from this." He told her softly. "When you get discharged out of here, you need to go talk to Bones."

"Is that an order, Sir?" She asked defiantly.

He hesitated a moment. "No, I wouldn't do that. " He grinned at her and added half-jokingly, "Not yet, anyway."

He dropped his hand and stood. "You need to rest." He turned and stepped towards the cubicle entry. He turned before leaving. "He really does love you. He's a good man."

Rebecca watched the captain leave. Anger and uncertainty clouding her thoughts. How dare Leo tell the captain, it wasn't even necessary at this point. He had no right to discuss this with anyone, friend or not, until……….. Well, until the two of them had discussed it first. Something that she had refused to do so far. Why did Leo's best friend also have to be the Captain? She wondered ruefully.

If Leo was as worried as the captain had said, then where was he? Why had he left so easily when she asked? He could have argued and tried to stay. Rebecca knew she had hurt him when she told him to leave, she could see it in his eyes. She hadn't given him a chance to argue, she supposed.

Rebecca reached over to pull the monitor screen back around so that she could watch it. She lay back down on the bed and studied the image in front of her for a very long time. Lost in thoughts of the past and of an uncertain future. Trying to play out the different scenarios in her head, wondering which future she wanted to try and have. A future with Leo and a child, or a future with Starfleet. She was certain that there could not be a workable combination that would be all inclusive.

The decision she made would not be easy. She was afraid of the changes that she would have to make, regardless of the decision.

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	5. Before It's Too Late

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Before It's Too Late

Doctor McCoy woke early in the afternoon. He really didn't feel all that rested. His sleep was anything but peaceful. He had tossed and turned, waking several times for no discernable reason. Always falling back to sleep with thoughts of Rebecca, their future, and the child that she carried. His child.

Following a quick shower, Leo dressed and made his way to medical bay via the mess hall for a quick sandwich and hot cup of coffee, hoping that it would give him some of the energy he was severely lacking. The replicator was evidently on the fritz, refusing to produce his coffee. This served to darken his mood further.

The first thing he noticed upon entering medical bay was the empty cubicle where Rebecca had been a patient. This was not a surprise, as he and Doctor An'Le had discussed earlier in the morning before he had left. But he felt a twinge of disappointment that he would not have the opportunity to view the images on the monitors and get another look at the life he had helped create. Probably for the better, he thought sadly. Medical bay was not the place to start THAT conversation with Rebecca.

Doctor An'Le had left a note on his desk regarding Rebecca's disposition on dismissal. He supposed that she had done so as a professional courtesy. Technically, he had not directed Rebecca's care this time. As soon as her pregnancy was discovered, he had asked Doctor An'Le to take over. He knew he could not be emotionally detached enough to stay professional. Not this time.

Leo pulled up Rebecca's chart from her stay and scanned the notes dictated. He was relieved that she had recovered so quickly from the concussion she had received in the blast. Doctor An'Le had done a thorough obstetrical assessment. She noted that, physically, both Rebecca and the baby were fine. However, the doctor had noted concern about Rebecca's emotional state regarding the pregnancy.

This information concerned Leo. He was at a loss of what to do. Rebecca had told him she wanted some time to think, but he didn't know how much time he should let her have. He was worried that maybe she would do something drastic before they had the time to really discuss anything. It wouldn't be the first time. It seemed to be an ongoing cycle in their relationship with each other.

The rest of his afternoon was spent catching up on the reports and charts that had fallen behind during the small disaster that had befell the Enterprise. He took the time to send a short communication to Rebecca, asking her if she would join him for dinner. Hoping that doing so would serve as a gentle reminder that he didn't want to be forgotten. He was quite surprised when she accepted his invitation less than ten minutes after receiving it.

Leo spirits were somewhat higher as he left medical bay. Obviously, Rebecca had thought things through enough that she was ready to talk about it. He was hoping that maybe, just maybe, their relationship would find some solid ground to build on. The order of events was not the best. Having a baby so soon was going to be a bit more stressful than if they had more time with just the two of them. But, he was sure they could do it.

"Bones!" Leo looked over his shoulder at the voice calling after him as he walked down the corridor. Jim was rounding the corner from medical bay.

"Have you talked to Rebecca yet?" Jim asked as he caught up and fell in step with Leo.

"No, not yet. I had things to catch up on in the office. Besides, she needed to get more rest."

"So…… you haven't talked to her today." Jim restated hesitantly.

"I think I did just say that." Leo said with his usual irritation. He stopped and grabbed Jim by the arm to stop him. "What's this about, Jim?"

Jim rubbed his chin thoughtfully and let out a sigh. "Uh, well…..umm."

"Spit it out, man! I haven't got all day, I've got things to do." Leo demanded, exasperated that Jim was wasting valuable time.

"Bones, Rebecca put in an official transfer request this today."

"She…what?" Leo asked, the full realization of Jim's words not quite getting through.

"Rebecca bypassed me and sent a request through to Starfleet Headquarters."

"Did you ask her why?" Leo demanded.

"No, I haven't had the chance to talk to her. I was hoping maybe you could shed some light on it. I'm kinda pissed that she didn't follow chain of command."

"How did you find out about it, then?"

"The daily communicade from Headquarters. I didn't really enjoy being clueless when asked by Pike if I had anything to do with it," Jim complained. "When were you going to see her?"

"In about half an hour…." Leo answered absently. He was only half listening as the full weight of what Jim had said sunk in.

"Bones……do you want me to talk to her first? I mean, well maybe if I talk to her first---"

"No, I'll take care of it." Leo said as he walked away. "I hope." He mumbled under his breath.

Jim watched Leo as he walked away, concern etched deeply on his face. He couldn't help but feel that Bones was going to have one hell of a fight on his hands. He only hoped that both people…no all three people involved would come out of it together.

Leo continued on to his quarters. Disbelief turned to anger. Rebecca wasn't even going to give him a chance to discuss this. Obviously, she did not take into account that he had a stake in their future. What thoughts of optimism he had carried out of medical bay with him had completely disappeared.

He knew he had to control his anger before Rebecca arrived. If she sensed any of the hostility he was feeling, she would completely close up and push him away. She was still very much frightened of being on the receiving end of someone else's anger. For all of her tough exterior and bravado, she was so fragile underneath. His heart ached thinking about how vulnerable she really was.

Entering his quarters he bypassed the small bar in the corner of his room. That was the last thing he should do right now. He quickly undressed and went to shower, letting the steaming hot water calm his nerves and carry away the anger. All the while, worrying that he might not be able to stop Rebecca from leaving.


	6. Let Her Cry

_A/N: Wow - only 24 hours betwwen chapters! I spent a very long day waiting to do medical tests, so I had a lot of time to think. Therefore, I was able to get another chapter thought out instead of working. (Hope the shock doesn't cause a certain someone to cause themselves bodily harm!) Anyhoo....here is Bones at his tenderhearted best! Enjoy.  
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Let Her Cry

One of the perks of being a Chief officer on the Enterprise was the ability to order 'room service' once in a while. As luck would have it, Rebecca showed up just as dinner was being delivered to Leo's quarters. He was thankful for that, not doubting that there would be an uncomfortable silence between them otherwise. As it was, it was somewhat awkward anyways.

"You look like you are recovering well." Leo commented with a smile as he pulled the chair out for Rebecca to sit.

"I still have a slight headache. But otherwise I'm fine." Rebecca's response was flat, without inflection.

Leo sat across the small table from her and started to eat. Rebecca used her fork and pushed the food around on her plate.

"I've asked for a transfer off of the Enterprise." Rebecca announced bluntly, not looking up from her plate.

Leo took in a deep breath, inhaling a piece of lettuce in the process. This lead to a fit of half-coughing, half-choking. So much for small talk, he thought as he finally caught his breath. He watched her quietly for a few moments, wondering the best way to respond. Would it be better to play ignorant and act surprised? Or should he let her know that Jim had already informed him of the request.

Leo let out a long sigh. "I know. Jim told me a little bit ago."

Rebecca glanced up in surprise. Her face quickly returned to the previous impassiveness. "Guess I shouldn't be surprised."

Leo pushed his plate away. He no longer had an appetite for some reason. "Rebecca……why would you make a decision like that without discussing it with me first?" He was trying to keep his voice soft and even. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel that he was being confrontational.

"You don't have any say in what I do. I'm an adult and can make my own decisions!" Rebecca's eyes flared in defiance.

"I understand that sweetheart. But there is a little more at stake here than just you or just me." He was struggling to keep his voice gentle.

"Don't you patronize me Leonard McCoy! I'm not a child. Don't you think I know what's at stake here?" Rebecca slammed her fork down on the table, adding to the forcefulness of her words.

"No, Rebecca, I really don't think you do." Anger was beginning to creep into his voice. "If you did, you would know better than to make such a rash decision!"

"It's my decision to make." She reinforced her position.

"How can you say that?!? Your decision affects me and my child. I think I should have some input in your choices." He pushed away from the table, stood and walked over to look out the small viewport.

Rebecca sat unmoving, glued to her chair. She had hoped that Leo would accept her decision without argument. She had struggled with the decision all morning and most of the afternoon. The only logical choice that she could come up with was to get off of the Enterprise and either return to Earth or maybe a secure starbase somewhere close. Being pregnant on a starship was not something that was liable to work out.

Leo stood glaring out at the blackness of space. He had to physically move away from Rebecca because he had felt the strong urge to reach across the table to try and shake some sense into her. If he lived to be 300 years old he would never understand how women could be so nurturing and yet so damn self centered!

"Rebecca, can we please discuss this, together?" He asked, without turning to face her.

"I've made my decision, Leo……." She replied softly.

"It's the wrong one, and you know it." He turned to look at her. "Rebecca, I love you. And I know that you love me. I realize that things haven't been that smooth between us. We've both changed…..a lot, in the last few years. We both have our own demons to deal with. But I have no doubt that we can do this, together. But, damn it, you at least have to try to meet me halfway." He stopped to watch for any reaction from her.

Rebecca kept her head bowed down. She could feel the sting of the tears that were forming and threatening to break loose. If he would have become angry and yelled at her she would have been able to get up and run from his quarters. As it was, he was tearing at her heart by bearing his soul.

Leo walked over and knelt down beside her. He took hold of her hands that were folded tightly in her lap. By doing so, he was able to turn her towards him. "Sweetheart, you are carrying my child. That is the most amazing miracle in the universe."

Rebecca couldn't hold back the loud sob that escaped or the flood of emotions that erupted with it. She flung herself into Leo's arms, nearly causing them to both tumble completely to the floor. "Oh, Leo" she sobbed. "I'm so scared."

It took all of his physical strength to keep them both from crashing to the floor when she leapt into his arms. He was certain one or both of them would have been injured. He pulled her close and rocked her gently. "It's going to be alright, darlin'." Relief flooded through him. Now, at least, she was letting him in. It was a step in the right direction.

"Come on sweetheart, lets go over to the couch and sit." They had been sitting on the floor for several minutes. He was starting to get a really bad cramp in his leg and needed to change positions. When Rebecca didn't make to move, he stood and pulled her up with him. She was still crying softly and clinging tightly to him.

Leo realized this was probably the first time in a very long time that she had allowed herself to display her emotions. She tried very hard to keep a tight rein of control from day to day. Even over the past few months they had spent together, she never totally let her guard down. His heart ached that she was having to go through this mental anguish like this. They should be happy and celebrating the life they had created.

Before too long, Rebecca had cried herself to sleep in his arms. The emotional turmoil and the physical trauma she been dealing with the past two days had taken their toll. Leo gently carried her to his bed and lay her there, covering her with a soft blanket. Placing a light kiss on her forehead, he left her there to rest while he went about clearing away the uneaten meal and did some reports on his PADD.

Rebecca slept peacefully while Leo kept a watchful, worried eye on her through the evening. It was the quietest he had ever seen while she slept. Usually she thrashed and kicked around violently, reliving her abusive marriage in her dreams. They had calmed considerably since she had joined the Enterprise and rekindled the relationship with him. But he knew from painful experience that she still had at least one nightmare each night.

He supposed that right now she was emotionally drained that there was nothing left to form itself and invade her sleep. As much as he wanted to slip under the blanket beside her to hold her close, he knew that her mind and body desperately needed this peaceful state she had finally accomplished. He didn't want to risk waking her. Instead, Leo pulled his recliner next to the bed, grabbed an extra blanket, and made himself as comfortable as possible in an attempt to get some sleep. "Goodnight darlin'."


	7. Believe

_A/N: Next chapter up! Just in case anyone was wondering - Chapter titles are song titles. Save for the first chapter - it was actually an album title. Thanks for the continued reads and alerts to this story. It has been awesome!! Enjoy  
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Believe

Rebecca woke up a little before midnight, realizing immediately that she was not in her own bed. The dim lights reoriented her to the fact that she was in Leo's quarters and in his bed. She lay very still, trying to determine exactly where he was, since he was not beside her in the bed. His soft snoring alerted her to the fact that he was in the room. Hearing him close by was comforting.

Dinner had been a disaster. Her primary intent had been to go for the shock value of announcing her transfer request, then she would have quickly retreated back to her own quarters when Leo's anger flared. He had surprised her with his calm response. Rebecca had not prepared herself for that reaction. His calm logic and genuine declaration of his love for her had broke down the last of the defenses she tried to keep between them.

She remembered now that she had broken down to the point of no return. She could not have regained her composure if she had tried. Thank the stars Leo didn't try to get her to talk about the pregnancy or explain why she needed to transfer. He had only held her and comforted her.

He had cried, too. She had felt the moisture of his tears on her head and heard his breath catch as he had held her in his arms. That had also been her undoing. Realizing that she was hurting him the way she was. She had eventually fallen asleep in the security of his embrace.

Rebecca silently cursed herself for letting herself show her vulnerability. Being alone and independent had been something that she had dedicated herself to for the last four years. She was determined to never allow anyone close enough to hurt her, emotionally or physically, ever again. The emotional scars that had been left when Leo had married someone else were very difficult for her to forget. The physical scars on her body were a constant reminder of not being able to protect herself.

"Reb?" Leo inquired softly. "You okay, sweetheart?" He had awoken with the sense that she was also awake.

"Yeah." She whispered. She heard him shift in the chair behind her. How did he know she was awake? Her back was turned towards him and she hadn't moved a muscle.

Leo pushed himself up out of the chair and moved over to sit on the edge of the bed, next to Rebecca. "Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head silently.

Leo reached over and lightly brushed her hair back from her face. "How's your headache?"

The warmth of his fingers on her cheek sent a tingling sensation down her spine and a swell of warmth in her stomach. Just a simple loving touch from him was enough to begin chasing away the anger and resistance she was starting to rebuild against him. She started to silently curse him for that effect on her.

"It's pretty much gone." She admitted, turning to lie on her back to face him. The concern and caring that shone in his eyes increased the warm sensation spreading through her body. She was beginning to realize that she did not want to leave him, no matter how hard she was trying to convince herself otherwise. However, she still could not believe that there was any other alternative. A science and exploration vessel such as the Enterprise was not the best place for a pregnant security guard.

"Leo….." Tears started to shine in Rebecca's eyes. "I don't see how I can stay on board the Enterprise. I have to transfer. It's the only choice I have." Her voice was sad, defeated.

The resignation in her voice tugged at Leo's heart. He had never heard or seen defeat from her. He took hold of her upper arms and pulled her up into a fierce hug. Holding her tightly and as close as he could, trying to give her some of his strength.

"We have some time to figure things out." He tried to reassure her. "It's early yet."

Rebecca pulled back from his embrace to look at him. "Will you let me continue to fulfill my duties in security?" She challenged him.

"As a doctor? Or the father of your baby?" Leo asked cautiously. He knew where this conversation was going. And he felt like she was backing him into a corner.

"Both."

"That's not a fair question, Rebecca. There is a distinct difference between the two!" He felt her stiffen in his arms.

"What am I supposed to do? Just sit around for the seven months in some plastic bubble so I can stay safe from any harm that might be out there?" Her voice was starting to rise and she had shrugged out of his arms. "That is not what I trained for!"

"How will transferring off of the Enterprise make things better?" He countered her argument.

"If I transfer to a starbase, at least I can be a security officer without you breathing down my neck every time I turn around. It would be safer than what could happen out here." She crossed her arms across her chest in defiance.

Leo closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Opening his eyes again he looked intently into hers. "Why is it so hard for you to accept the fact that I love you and that I worry about you? "

Rebecca opened her mouth to give a quick retort, but none would come out. She still wanted desperately to NOT need him. Baby, or no baby, she could not bring herself to refute his concern. She reached up and softly caressed his cheek. Shaking her head in silent resignation that she could not continue the struggle against her own heart.

"How are we going to do this?" She whispered in his ear as she wrapped both arms around his neck.

He pulled her closer to him. Her scent was intoxicating to him as he breathed in. "Love." The one word explanation was all he could answer back as he started to place small kisses along her neck and lower jaw. He could feel the small shudder that traveled through her body. It was all the answer he needed to give at that moment.

Rebecca captured Leo's face in her hands and pulled him up to her for a kiss that left them both breathless. At this moment she wanted nothing more than to show him that she was his completely. She no longer had any defenses or stumbling blocks that she was going to throw at him to keep him away. She gave herself to him - mind, body and soul.  
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_A/N: Alright - that is about as much of a sex scene as I can write. Use your imagination ;) Hope you liked it. Next update will be as soon as possible. I am being _forced _to travel all the way across the state of Nebraska, for the second weekend in a row, to become one with the "Sea of RED" at Memorial Stadium in Lincoln. "GO BIG RED!!" (I can't wait)_


	8. She Drives Me Crazy

_**A/N:** Sorry for the enormously long wait for this chapter. I hope you find it worth the wait. It is pretty much just fluff. Also.....I am not responsible of any computer damage that may be sustained because of excessive drooling on the keyboard at the end of this chapter. As I wrote this I was extremely depressed. My Huskers lost by 1 stinking point and I didn't get to celebrate my birthday quite the way I wanted. Oh, well. ENJOY.__  
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She Drives Me Crazy

"Reb. Reb, time to wake up." Rebecca slowly woke to the insistent voice and gentle nudging from Leo. She rolled away from him onto her side, pulling the blanket with her as she went.

"Go away." She mumbled into the pillow.

"Come on sleepy head." Leo pulled her back against him and nuzzled the back of her neck. "You need to get up and report to duty, remember?"

Rebecca turned back onto her back and frowned at him. There was a churning in her stomach and an unpleasant taste in her mouth. In the week since her pregnancy had been detected, she had started having morning sickness. Which was ridiculous as far as she was concerned. Before she had known she was pregnant she had no symptoms.

"Why am I having this this late in the game." She grumbled for probably the twentieth time in a week.

"Maybe your mind is finally catching up with your body." Leo joked.

"You telling me this is all in my head? I bet you won't be saying that when I throw up on you!"

Leo let out a soft laugh. "It will get better, I promise." He gently rubbed his hand over Rebecca's lower abdomen.

"It better!" Rebecca warned. She sat up slowly. She had decided that her stomach didn't revolt nearly as much if she sat up for a few minutes before trying to stand. Leo gave her a goofy grin when he handed her a cracker that had been on the bedside table. "What the hell is that for?"

He shrugged. "Old Earth remedy. It might calm your stomach."

Rebecca took it warily and took a small bite. It didn't cause her to heave, at least. So far so good, she thought. "You'd think that they could have found something better than that by now." Her mood was as sour as her stomach in the morning. "Get that stupid smile off your face! You are enjoying this way to much." She gave Leo the most withering glare she could muster. "YOU did this to me!"

"I know." He had a mischievous glint in his eye, his grin widening into a smile.

"Some doctor you are. You make your patient miserable instead of feeling better." She couldn't help but smile back.

"You are beautiful."

"So help me, Leo. If you tell me I have a 'glow', I will hurt you." She warned.

Leo chuckled softly. "Okay. What exciting things are planned in the world of security for today?" Hoping to improve her mood. He lay back on the bed, tracing random designs on her bare back with his right hand.

"Well, nothing that I'm aware of." She was quiet for a moment. Rebecca turned slightly to look at him. "There is a mission coming up in a few days."

His smile quickly faded. "And I suppose you just _have_ to go on it?" He dropped his hand from her back.

"I haven't signed up for it yet, if that's what you are asking."

"But I'm sure you will." He muttered under his breath. Pushing himself up, he sat at the edge of the bed with his back to Rebecca.

"I haven't decided. I, uh…..I thought I would talk to you first."

"Oh." The response was half surprise, half disbelief. "I don't want you to do it, then."

Rebecca closed her eyes, dropped her head back and let out a sigh. She was truly trying to "meet him halfway" like he had asked. "What is your reason?"

Leo turned and looked at her. "It's too dangerous."

Rebecca held his gaze. "How do you know for sure? It could be just a walk in the park."

"Why take the risk?"

"Why don't you trust me?" Rebecca shot back with a glare.

Leo's look softened. "I do trust you. It's everything else in the universe I don't trust." He moved around to face her more fully. Reaching over, he gently stroked her cheek. "I don't want anything to happen to you. "

"I'm going to go shower." Rebecca pushed off of the bed and away from Leo. She stopped at the doorway to the bathroom and turned to look at him. "Don't make me a prisoner of your fears, Leo."

Leo stared for several minutes at the door she closed behind her. That was a hit below the belt as far as he was concerned. His fears weren't unrealistic or unwarranted. He'd seen more red shirted crewmembers from the Enterprise in his medical bay, or in the morgue, than he cared to count. The thought that she wanted to risk becoming one of those numbers unnerved him. Knowing she felt like a prisoner because of his worry made him very sad.

"You are going to be late for work, Doctor." He was shaken from his thoughts by Rebecca's voice. "Are you going to get dressed this morning, or what?" She was fully dressed, standing in front of him with her hands on her hips. Her head tilted to the side with an eyebrow raised questioningly. He was still sitting on the bed where she had left him.

Leo grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him so he could wrap his arms around her waist in a hug. Doing so he was able to snuggle his face against her abdomen, as close to their unborn child as he could. "I won't stop you." He conceded quietly.

Rebecca combed her fingers through his hair. "But you won't support me either." She sighed.

"Reb, don't fault me for not wanting anything to happen to the two of you."

"I don't." Rebecca stepped back out of his embrace. "Now, I need to get to my shift before I get in trouble." She smiled at him as she ruffled his already messed up hair.

"Yeah, me too." He stood, letting the sheet fall on the bed, revealing his full nakedness.

"Uh….that's mine!" Rebecca looked at him with a mischievous gleam in her eye. "You had better put some clothes on before you go to medical bay. I don't want any of those nurses trying to move in on my territory."

"Not a chance, darlin'. I'm all yours." He took a step closer and pulled her into another embrace. "Want me to prove it?" He asked suggestively, the desire evident in his voice.

Rebecca closed her eyes and let a soft moan escape her lips. "Yes…..but not right now." She gently disentangled herself from his arms. "I have got to get to my shift!"

"I could get you excused. I am the CMO you know."

"That is an abuse of rank, Dr. McCoy." She admonished.

"So arrest me." He shrugged innocently.

Rebecca shook her head and giggled as she turned to leave. "That would be too easy. I will see you later. I love you Leo."

"Love you, too sweetheart." Leo watched her leave his quarters. She was no longer worried about who might see her leaving. As he headed for the shower he couldn't help but think about how hard it was going to be to not worry himself insane about her safety every minute they were apart. But he would do his best.


End file.
